I’ve read a lot about the benefits of cannabis and I’m interested in trying it out, but honestly, I don’t even know where to start. None of my friends smoke, so I don’t really have anyone to do it with, and I definitely don’t know how to roll a joint. Where do I begin?
Virgin Mary Jane
Dear Virgin Mary Jane,
I think your question will resonate with a lot of readers, and as usual, there is not a one-size-fits-all solution. I’ve found that most smokers in my life tend to prefer one method over another— I’m typically a bong girl, myself— but often, it depends on the situation, or the time of day, or who you’re around, or the weather… what I’m trying to say is, there’s a variety of motivating forces at play when you choose how to consume (besides, of course, the motivating force to get high).
As an homage to my well-scoured pages of teen magazines past, I made you a quiz – keep track of which letter you choose the most (I used to do tally marks in the margins) and find your ideal smoking style below. I hope this helps and keep sending your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject “ASK A STONER” or DM us on Instagram at @sackville.and.co
I’ll see you next week – until then, happy smoking!
What’s Your Smoking Style?
Answer the questions below to find out which method of toking is right for you
1. You’re headed to a party and you’re carrying one of those teeny little purses, so you can only carry one essential item. What is it?
a. A beer bong – no frills necessary, you’ll take your booze straight to the dome, please.
b. A perfume sample – you never know when you’ll need to refresh your top notes!
c. A flask of your favorite fine liquor – you’re stepping away from the punch bowl to steal sips of the good stuff.
d. An energy drink – only the sunrise can stop you!
e. A deck of cards – there’s never a bad time to teach someone Egyptian Rat Screw.
2. You just moved into your dream home. Now, it’s time to decorate – what do you hang on the walls?
a. Nothing – there’s perfectly good white paint on them already!
b. An oil painting you commissioned of yourself – what could be more beautiful?
c. An interactive light display – James Turrell, eat your heart out!
d. A built-in bookshelf – you’re committed to not moving anything any time soon.
e. Your favorite movie posters – there’s nothing wrong with the classics.
3. You just won a ticket for a week-long vacation at the destination of your choosing. Where are you headed?
a. The closest body of water – let’s get relaxation time started, pronto.
b. Prague – you want to soak in all of the historic, Gothic architecture; the more flying buttresses, the better.
c. San Francisco – you have to be right at the center of the action on the technological cutting edge.
d. Island hopping in Hawaii – you’re filling your days jam-packed with zip-lining, bungee jumping, and hula dancing.
e. A group house with all of your closest friends – who cares where you are when you’re together?
4. You have to get to a lunch date across town. How are you getting there?
a. Walking – why pay for a free trip?
b. A Vespa – it’s fast, so you have extra time to get ready, and you always travel in style.
c. Your Tesla – duh! How else?
d. A bike – you want to take the long way and enjoy the view.
e. Public transportation – there’s no better place to people watch!
5. You just found out you have the day off! What do you do?
a. Watch a movie at home – why sneak snacks in your bag when you can enjoy them in your PJs?
b. Host a tea party – you never pass up an opportunity to show off your fine china.
c. Something private – no more questions!
d. Surfing, then baking, then hiking, then swimming, then reading, then going to the park, then…
e. Going to a party – what can you say, you’re a people person!
Mostly A’s: You should smoke a bowl! You’re someone who’s most concerned with cost-efficiency and ease of use. Just grind, pack, and light!
Mostly B’s: You should smoke a bong! You want to be decadent while enjoying quality aesthetics.
Mostly C’s: You should smoke a vape! You’re a discrete stoner who is willing to invest in the best.
Mostly D’s: You should take edibles! You’re someone who wants to enjoy the fun as long as possible.
Mostly E’s: You should smoke a joint! You’re a good old-fashioned smoker who likes to share the good times with the people they love. Don’t know how to roll? Try an easy-to-fill, pre-rolled cone.